Continue to like your style. You do tension and yearning well. I'd like to see David agonize more over wanting to mess with Paige's fiance - cuz that is a shitty thing to do. And Jared agonize over his inability/ weakness to pick a lane, or be honest about it. Both of them are fairly reprehensible so far - which can be good. And this keeps me interested.
If I may, a small suggestion. Occasionally, I found it difficult to tell who was talking. Sprinkling in a few first names in the dialog would fix this.
If chapter 1 set the stage for a great story, this one is burning with sexual and an undercurrent of unrequited desire for David and Jared, plus the curveball with Tyler warming up to David after the initial frosty demeanour adds another layer to this story!! Cannot wait for this to progress hopefully as a slow burn!! 🔥❤️🤌
Continue to like your style. You do tension and yearning well. I'd like to see David agonize more over wanting to mess with Paige's fiance - cuz that is a shitty thing to do. And Jared agonize over his inability/ weakness to pick a lane, or be honest about it. Both of them are fairly reprehensible so far - which can be good. And this keeps me interested.
If I may, a small suggestion. Occasionally, I found it difficult to tell who was talking. Sprinkling in a few first names in the dialog would fix this.
Great call out on the tags!! Hopefully you get there in the next 2 chapters but we will see :-)
If chapter 1 set the stage for a great story, this one is burning with sexual and an undercurrent of unrequited desire for David and Jared, plus the curveball with Tyler warming up to David after the initial frosty demeanour adds another layer to this story!! Cannot wait for this to progress hopefully as a slow burn!! 🔥❤️🤌